I was once asked on the first day of a new job sum yourself up as a film character...
At first I thought what a bizarre way to introduce yourself to a team of people you didn’t know… But then I thought there is actually one particular blonde that I relate to. Imagine me as the new MSL version of Bridget Jones. Her tragic single life, stumbling between one complete fuck up to the next is more than familiar.
Last jan, I left London to go and explore New York for 8 months and then on to the rest of the world. Instead of polluting everyone’s Facebook feeds with smug travel updates, in true Bridget style, I started a blog/diary to document all my ridiculous day to day experiences.
In no particular order...
My top 20 stories that were suitable to share...
Stung by a jellyfish on the great barrier reef and was asked to strip by the guy above so he could cover me in ammonia... I feel he may have had alternative motives.
Got treated like VIP’s after being mistaken for prostitutes in an all Arab club in Dubai.
Got the worst henna tattoo
Met 3 random south african guys on tinder that led us into the woods in a pick up truck… before taking us to their mansion, letting us ride on their boat and try kite surfing
Almost died on a raft. No joke.
Went on the back of a motorbike for the first time.
Had my first thai massage.
Travelled and befriended a Geordie Stripper called Chantelle.
Joined a choir.
Jumped/fell into a freezing cold lagoon.
Got picked up by the Mauritius Police.
Competed in my home island tradition. The greasy pole. You walk/crawl/run along a greased up pole to grab a flag at the end. The winners prize is a cooked ham.
*by compete I actually mean sat on my mates yacht sipping on fizz watching this going on...
Watch a guy I fell hopelessly in love with (for about a week) attempt to limbo under a burning stick of flames… and fail.
Attended an exhibition at the New York sex museum to jump around on boobs and eat jelly.
Ate part of a scorpion, weird fish with teeth, salted caramel crickets and all kinds of other random shit.
Started writing a children’s book about Camilla the camel for my nephew.
Visited 5 zoos, rode an elephant, swam with dolphins, stroked a lion, fed a giraffe, held a snake/frog/crab and had breakfast with orangutans… and I normally hate animals.
Lost luggage and had to survive a week in the New Zealand rain in a camper van with just two pairs of knickers and no waterproofs.
Had a panic attack 6 meters underwater.
Went to my first thai drag show.
Partied with Ukrainian models at a pool party, one of which gets paid to dress up as a Disney Princess.
Broke a world record wearing a retro ski onesie.
So thats me...
Feel free to ask me for the more detail on anything above or hear the more X-rated stories at the pub...
Cant wait to meet you all.